2008-Apr-8 - Zee and the Mystery of the Yummy Mummy.

I confess; I'm flummoxed. Everywhere I look I see evidence of this phenomena. And it ain't just those disgustlingly glowing celebrity mothers either! Even on the local high street and in the shops I am surrounded by women pushing prams who look a darn sight better than me. Not only are their clothes free from baby puke but they even - shock, horror - seem to be wearing make-up too!

Me? I generally (on a good day) look like I have been standing in Trafalgar Square with a bag full of corn yelling 'Come and get it!' to a swarm of starving pigeons.Yep ... that good!

How the hell do these women do it?

In fact, I consider myself lucky if I manage to dive in the shower occasionally - though Little B does regard me as a stranger when I pick him up and I'm all sweet smelling! Fortunately it doesn't last and I'm soon my old sour self again.

My hair is a disaster area too. I have taken to wearing it tied back in a pony tail since my precious son has discovered the delights to be had if he grabs mummy's hair by the roots. Ouch! On the plus side, it is in the
best condition it's been in for years since I have no time to use the old hair dryer or straighteners any more, so that's some consolation.

And how do these celeb mummies get their figures back so quickly? Two weeks after popping out junior they're back in their super-skinny pre-pregnancy clothes again. Makes me sick! 'Oh, it's a combination of good diet and gentle exercise,' they simper. B***ocks! I think the army of nannies and personal trainers might have something to do with it, ladies.

Back on Planet Real World, my good diet consists of a piece of toast - or a frozen microwave pizza if I'm really pushing the boat out - I don't get time for anything else. And my gentle exercise consists of racing up and down the
stairs, arms full of bottles (the breast milk gave out, but that's another story) and laundry yelling, 'I'm coming!' to my screaming son. We try and get out in the fresh air every day but it's not always possible.

Days whizz by in a blur of sick, poop and milk. Suddenly it's 9pm and I'm collapsing into bed. See? No time to titivate myself at all. Besides, I'd rather spend time with my son than on myself anyway.He is my secret weapon, after all; my cloaking device who prevents me from being inspected too closely.

Little B looks quite good enough for the both of us. One look at his gorgeous chubby face and people forget I even exist!

And I don't blame them. When he smiles at me even I forget just how hot I'm not!

Bye!:)
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2008-Feb-29 - Hello my lovelies!

Another quickie post I'm afraid. Jeez, have I really been away for so long? I've missed all me old mates here at efx2.

So, how're things with you? Have I missed anything earth shattering whilst I have been otherwise occupied with colic, baby puke and a gazillion soiled nappies? Do let me know.

Little B continues - thank god - to thrive. He is currently 17 weeks old and hovering somewhere around the 14 lb mark - probably nearer 15 lbs if my aching arms are anything to go by! He is still the sun in my day and the moon in my night and the best thing I ever did. How is such love even possible?

Oh, he cut his first tooth a couple of weeks ago. Being a baby is a wretched, painful business all round. Why do such little people have to endure such suffering? Anyhow, we've been attending a baby massage group which he seems to enjoy more for the interaction with other tiddlers rather than because of any benefits from the actual laying on of hands malarky.

And he is interested in just EVERYTHING!

In my pre motherhood days, I thought babies just lay there crying and puking. Hah! My wee lad is already showing interest in the computer - the Cbeebies site is a particular favourite - and I have to turn off the tv to stop him from watching football, Steven Seagal films and other such unsavoury things! No one told me babies were this focussed so early. His development continues to astound me.

Anyway, that's enough of me blathering on and on. No one likes a baby-bore and, I'm afraid, that's what I've become. I could talk about my boy for hours. And the pictures and videos I've got. Really, I could bore you all for months on end. But I won't. Instead I'll toddle off because I can hear my wee laddie beginning to stir.

Take care until I see you again. Oh, and please forgive me for not commenting on your blogs. Time is so not my friend.

X
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2007-Dec-18 - Merry Christmas ...

Just a very quick post to wish all my dear, neglected friends at efx2 many heartfelt seasonal felicitations.I wish you and yours all that is wonderful for Crimbo and during the coming year.

In case you didn't know - though I'm sure Honeychild has told you- my waters burst 6 weeks too early and I had to have a C-section a week after that. Not my choice. It was a vile experience. I hated that I couldn't push Little B into the world but hey-ho!

It wasn't enough that my poor little boy had been floundering about for days in an ever-diminishing puddle. No, he had to spend a couple of weeks in the special care bay unit. It was a very ... trying time, let's say. Rest after the op? Not me! Too busy whizzing up and down to hospital clutching bottles of expressed breast milk. Incidently, I don't blame any woman for choosing formula feeding over breast feeding. The most natural thing in the world? One would imagine so, but experience has taught me this is just not so. In reality it's sodding hard work. There's nothing easy about it. Still, I'm persevering with it though cos I'm bloody-minded that way.

Anyhow, I don't regret a second of any of it. My little boy is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. We just adore him. I never knew I could love in this way. It's overwhelming in its intensity. I sometimes cry just watching him sleep. (My health visitor has me under her beady eye for postnatal depression. She thinks I'm teetering on the edge of it. I think I'm just sleep-deprived!)

Little B was 5lb 5oz when he was born but today he weighs in at hefty(ish!) 7lb 1oz. He's certainly making up for his dodgy start in life!

Christmas is pretty much out of the window for us this year. I managed to put up a tree to stick the pressies under but that's about it. Oh, and I wrote a few cards. My brain is addled as addled can be but I've never been happier.

I'll pop by from time to time to say hello (if Little B lets me!) but, as I'm sure the parents among you will appreciate, I have precious little spare time right now. Hopefully things will improve but until then my blogging days are pretty much on hold for now.

Have a great Christmas, m'dears, and I hope to talk to you again before the next one. Take care.

XXXX
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2007-Oct-2 - Too good to keep to myself.

Received in an email this morning. Enjoy!

 

 

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little: 

 


  Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. 

  ~~~~~~~~ 

  The frog hopped into the princess' lap  and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.  One kiss from you, however,  and I will turn back  into the dapper, young prince that I am  and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Then you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "

  ~~~~~~~~  

That night as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: 

 

I don't f****n' think so.

 

Have a great day!

 

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2007-Sep-21 - Reasons to be cheerful...

 

Heck - it's about time I wrote something positive about my time living as a giant beach-ball. If Little B ever reads my blogs (the ones that still exist, I mean. Hahaha!), he/she'll think that I hated everything about carrying him/her. Not true.

Okay. It might seem that way to my long suffering readers but it ain't so. Blogging is my coping mechanism. 2 1/2 hours sleep? No problem-o. Just indulge your panda-eyed friend, let me whinge about it and I'll be just fine. Honest!

Unfortunately, I'm not sure if there's a way to put this behind a snip. You'll just have to ignore the whole thing if all this baby talk is doing your head in. Sorry! Bet you never thought you'd miss my Bush-bashing posts, huh? :)

So here goes. In no particular order, Zee presents the good stuff about being pregnant:

- We made a life when we'd given up all hope of ever doing so.

- When Little B starts doing flips and my stomach looks like the surface of a stormy sea.

- The expression on hubby's face when Little B kicks his hand/butt/face etc.

- When the midwife lets me hear B's heartbeat. It gives me a buzz every single time.

- I don't have to hold my stomach in. Not ever. Yay!

- Pregnancy tops are currently a fashion trend. No tartan dresses with bows for me!

- I can eat what I want - within reason.

- I can weep, yell and generally behave like a total brat/bunny-boiler and hubby (poor love) not only takes it, but he comforts me. ( I swear I'll make it up to him one day.)

- Complete strangers are nice to me.

- My family and friends are extra sweet these days.

- Hubbys keeps assuring me that I'm not fat and that I look  lovely.  He's such a liar, but I appreciate it!

- I'm encouraged to wallow in lovely bubble baths as often as I want.

- I'm encouraged to take a nap (if ONLY!!!)  and put my feet up any time of day I want.

- Hubby won't let me do a stroke of DIY (but I feel very guilty about that. The poor soul is as knackered as me.)

- I don't have to lift heavy stuff.

- Housework is now a reward not a chore. If hubby had his way I wouldn't be doing any at all - not even light  dusting or pot washing. I have to sneak around behind his back to get anything done. I'm not kidding you! I'm sure he wants me to be his own personal Jabba.

- Leg hair waxing and pant beard maintenance are now things of the past. A swipe with a razor is about all I can manage  these days - and I grunt like Michael Douglas in 'Basic Instinct' when I do so. Still, why worry about what I can't see?  (And why hasn't someone invented a long-handled pregnancy razor yet?)

- Hubby gives me pedicures and paints my toes in nice bright colours. Very important as toes are the only  lower  extremities I now possess. Good for moral too!

- I still don't have any stretch-marks. Hurrah for good genes!

- I am devouring books at a rate of knots. My local library doesn't know what's hit it!

And finally, because I'm too tired to think of anything else right now ...

- There's only 10 more weeks until I reach the drop zone! *commences a rather waddling giddy-dance*

 

Ah! I can't wait for Little B to be born. To see the sweet face of my perfectly behaved child for the first time. What an angel he/she is sure to be... Right!

 

                                                                              

 

 

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2007-Sep-20 - Shoutbox bother

Hmm ... I've followed the lovely Chica's tutorial and everything looked fine and in situ on previewing the shoutbox. However, after saving the changes the darn thing keeps vanishing from my blog and only the title remains. Vexing!!

Also, when I try to visit my mate Dr Doc I keep getting shunted to the efx2 homepage instead. Ideas please? Keep any advice 'Janet & John' speak please, a tech head I ain't!

 

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2007-Sep-19 - Almost like the third time ...

Hello again!

Another day, and yet another blog. I only just managed to find this place. Let's hope everyone else manages to find their way here too.

Not much else to say at the moment. Too busy fannying around with stuff. Hope everything stays put this time. I'm getting really fed up of moving house!

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